She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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