Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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