I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dick very happy bro
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
