she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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