Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
