yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
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He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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