Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
