My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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