this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
