This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
