Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
