Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
