Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
