He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
True strength comes from lack of pants
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
