i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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