he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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