Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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