Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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