i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
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