Define "chronic" masturbator.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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