I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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