Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
