if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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