I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
