Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
