you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
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But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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