Pregnant stripper...not hot.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
