i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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