well I can't set my house on fire every night
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
