I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
