Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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