So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Non-Jews are for practice
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
These tits shall not be calmed
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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