before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
