1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also, beer. Big fan.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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