Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
