I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
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