So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
These tits shall not be calmed
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
