I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
