I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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