morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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