Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
