Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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