He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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