I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
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