Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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