Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
