Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
