I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
