haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
