Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she smelled like a LAN party
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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