Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
