It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
