His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
