I met the friendliest cop last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
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