you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
