drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize
