Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
