Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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