VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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