were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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