I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize