I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
