I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
