It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
