is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
