My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
His nipple licking is glorious
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