I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
