I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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