great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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