It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
