if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
