Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
