dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
