I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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