help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
